After you left,
I stopped watering the flowers
on my front lawn, and as I watched
each one fold into itself
I started wondering if I was doing the same.
Because if you aren’t living,
then you have to be dying instead,
or at least that’s what my mother screamed
when she told me stop listening to sad music
and reading books that clawed
away at my insides.
When things started getting really bad
with the first boy I ever pretended
he started saying things like,
‘You don’t smell as good as she did’
and ‘I only kissed you so you could finally
stop talking about poetry and what the
New York City rain tastes like.’
I realized I didn’t really love him
when he told me to leave,
and I did.
The first time I told you I
was falling in love with your hands
and the way they knew how to hold me,
you whispered to me about the last
girl that lived in your bed,
and how her mother still calls
you sometimes and invites
you over for dinner.
There were nights when
you didn’t come home until three in the morning,
and I wondered if
you were busy eating from plates
that weren’t mine
and touching skin that didn’t belong
to my bones.
I almost asked,
but the way you looked through me
in the mornings told me
that I didn’t want the answer.
Months after that,
she left a voicemail
telling you how much she
loved the necklace you bought her
and how she liked the way
you looked in the soft glow of dawn.
I almost broke the house in half
with the thunder in my sobs.
You came home to find me
in the corner of the bedroom
scratching at the walls
and howling to a moon that didn’t
bother showing up.
I don’t remember leaving,
I just know one day I woke up
and nobody was there to ignore me anymore.
I’m still trying to decide if that was
worse than being ignored in the first place.
And I’d send this to you,
but you probably wouldn’t see it sitting
on your doorstep.
You’d probably step right over it,
and then wonder why you haven’t heard
”—Y.Z, He only called me after I left (via rustyvoices)
me: i’m gonna study when i get home me: i’ll just study before i go to bed me: i’ll just study in the morning me: i’ll just study on the way to school me: i’ll just study in this class me: i’ll just study in the hall me: i’ll just study before the test me: i’ll just study during the test
“Before the awards, the producers revealed, DeGeneres had told a couple of stars like Streep that she’d be coming into the audience to play with them. “But nobody really knew anything,” Zadan said. “A couple of people knew Ellen was going to come out and talk to them. Meryl said, ‘Great, let’s have fun.’ But it was all improvised to a degree. When Ellen was planning the selfie, she thought it would be Meryl, and maybe Julia [Roberts]. I don’t think she anticipated that all those stars would get out of their seats and surround them.” In fact, in rehearsal, with DeGeneres’ writers sitting in for the stars, the bit was blocked out on the assumption that Streep would take the shot, although ultimately Bradley Cooper volunteered.
DeGeneres also masterminded the pizza boy gag. “When Ellen said she wanted to do it, we said we’d hire an actor, but she said, ‘No, no, no. You’re not hiring an actor. I want a real pizza delivery person,’ ” Zadan revealed. “We said that the FBI would have to do a background check. She said, ‘I don’t care. I want it to be real. I want this guy to walk in and not know he’s going to the Academy Awards.’ “”—
The oldest person alive was born on April 19, 1897, meaning that April 18th, 1897 was approximately the last time the Earth was inhabited by an entirely different set of people and if you don’t think that’s the realest shit ever then you can get right on outta town.
“What I’ve Learned:
1. A girl can lose feelings for you over night.
2. A kiss can be just that, a kiss. Completely meaningless.
3. Love can be one sided but I still wonder if that is love at all
4. Never beg for someone to stay or to love you. You shouldn’t have to beg for someone to be a part of your life or to love you. You deserve better than that.
5. Stop breaking your ribs to make space for those who do not belong there.
6. Learning to breathe again is harder than the doctors said it would be.
7. I don’t know what hurts more at night; being alone or being in love.
8. Laying with someone in bed at night is temporary. It won’t get rid of the lonely. You will still wake up and leave in the morning with a heavy heart and no hand to hold.
9. Sometimes the sky rains gasoline instead of water and you have to be strong enough and ignore the urge to set yourself on fire.
10. I will be okay someday. Bad things happen for no reason sometimes and things end but that shouldn’t mean you should come to an end too. The ocean will always have waves; I just have to learn to swim through them for a bit longer.
11. The stretch marks I left on my mother from birth will not be another suicide letter I never finished.”—Oliver Nolau (via ceabourne)
“This is why you should never, ever get your hopes up. This is why you should see the glass as half empty. So when the whole thing spills, you aren’t as devastated.”—Emily Giffin, Something Borrowed (via perfect)
“I decided on you, don’t you get that? I decided on you. I don’t want to go fucking other people and then walk around feeling thrilled and then sad, or empty, or whatever. I like the smell of your hair, and I like the sound of your voice, and I fucking decided on you.”—Unknown (via lepetitchatblanc)